Making Connections

Remember I wrote an earlier blog about how I felt talking to people about Snip-its? Basically, unless I was the one doing the talking, I felt very disconnected from other people. But something amazing happened when I started talking to people about Empowered Girls. Suddenly, I was connecting! It felt amazing! I give my elevator pitch on Empowered Girls, and all of a sudden, I’m getting CEOs and investment bankers telling me about their kids, or their siblings, or their parents. And guess what, we are all just the same (only different) – people looking for acceptance, positive reinforcement, and human connections. Instead of, “Gee, Snip-its sounds like an interesting business. What are your EBITDA margins?”, With Empowered Girls, I’m getting, “Wow, I have a daughter in college, and I sure wish I could have understood her better in her preteen years.” Or, “Yeah, my sister struggles with her kids, and I can see it stemming back from the way our mother treated her.” Who knew that the CEO of a fortune 500 company is also the adult child of critical parents? It’s been an amazing revelation!

Suddenly the barriers come down, the professional demeanor is gone, and we are just two people relating about things more important (really!) than EBITDA margins. This revelation got me thinking about how making human connections might actually be a better way to do business. I know I feel a strong connection on a deeper level with my family and close friends; what would it be like to connect in the same way with my co-workers and community of business associates? Do you know that to this day I do not know if that first investor has children? I don’t know if he still works or is retired, or anything about him. It’s amazing really that he chose to invest in Snip-its – in me – when we really had no connection at all.

I started to think about the people I associate with in my Snip-its world – the stylists in the salons, the corporate team, my board of directors, and even the vendors, lawyers, and advisors I work with. There are a few who I felt connected to, but most I felt kind of nervous and distant around. It had to be all business. But those few I felt closer to – it became obvious – it was because we had made friends. We talked about our kids and our lives outside of work, and we made a connection. Then we started doing business. It is those people who have worked for or with Snip-its for the longest time. They work the hardest for me, and I work hard for them. Neither wants to let the other one down. And the relationship grows fruitfully.

Are you thinking about the people in your organization? I bet specific names come to mind. Either someone you have a strong bond with or maybe someone you realize you don’t even know if they are married or not. I read a book once that recommended the CEO should know every employee’s birthday, and not just that, know their children’s birthdays too, and send a card to their home address. Sounded like a good idea when I read it a decade ago, but now it just seems like a gimmick – an insincere way to trick your employees in to thinking you care. How could it possibly work? Especially when we don’t treat our employees as personal friends throughout day-to-day business dealings. Sometimes we don’t even think of our employees and associates as people, but rather a means to an end like a computer program or some other tool we need to get ahead.

And yet, we’ve all heard how people don’t leave companies; they leave people. Get the right people on the bus. All the fancy management tactics in the world won’t help if you’ve got the wrong people on the team. It’s always interpersonal conflict that causes problems, and there are thousands of books written to address these sorts of business issues. Some of them are actually pretty good, but most of them, quite frankly (and this is just my opinion), suck. They tell you what to say and how to behave to be a “winner”, but they – those authors and business experts – don’t even know you. And we are all too smart to fall for some scripted scheme designed to make us better communicators. Remember the books about active listening. You’re supposed to lean forward and say, “so what I hear you saying is…blah blah blah.” Would you really fall for that? It’s so fake.

I think the message here is that we have to get real and be human in our business relations. It's good for our spirit and it's good for business!

Giving Back

Empowered Girls is all about helping middle-school aged girls build their self-confidence and self-esteem. As someone who has battled self-esteem issues all her life, I come from the perspective that most women are like me and have struggled at least in parts of their lives with self-esteem issues. While that's likely true, there are many girls and women for whom self-esteem is not such a big issue. They may struggle from time to time or with certain areas of their lives, but for the mostpart, they are confident and feel good about themselves. There is an important issue that many girls face - regardless of whether or not they struggle with self-esteem. If they already know they are unique, talented and wonderful, they must figure out what to do with this power. How do I contribute my talents and strengths to the world? The answer is different for everyone, but it's an important conversation for mothers to have with their daughters starting in middle-school, especially for girls with low self-confidence. As parents, we need to help our daughters figure out how to use their talents and interests to give back. Either through charities, community organizations, or even just in the neighborhood, everyone should find some way to give back. It doesn't necessarily have to be helping those less fortunate, though that's always a worthy endeavor. It could be tutoring or teaching something you know to younger children, or organizing events that bring like-minded girls together. Whatever your daughters can do to give back will pay off with big rewards, including perhaps increased self-esteem!