Communicating to Connect

Remember the old Charlie Brown cartoons where whenever the mom spoke, it sounded like "WaWaWa"? That actually holds a valuable lesson, and it's one that will help you communicate better, not only with your children, but with everyone you want to connect with in life. We hear what matters to us, and tune the rest out, so be sure your communications are relevant to your audience. It's a two-way street. How many times have you tuned out when your boss or your kids or someone on the phone is talking to you? And how often do you think other people tune you out when you are speaking?

It presents an interesting issue. So often, we speak for ourselves, not for the intended audience - or we don't change the words we are saying even after our audience has tuned us out. When you are speaking to someone, think about that person, not yourself, while you are talking. If you are face-to-face, really look at the person and see what they are thinking. When we get wrapped up in ourselves, either because we are nervous or self conscious, we lose our audience. Instead, try thinking about what the other person is thinking and feeling as you are speaking. Try to relax and get the blood flowing to your brain, so you're not on auto-pilot. See if you can find something positive in the other person and focus on that. You will be amazed at how you can connect with other people when you get out of your own head.

You can do the same thing when you are listening as well. Try not to get distracted, stay relaxed, and focus on the positive of the other person.

This works really well with children, who need a lot of positive affirmations to help build their confidence and self-esteem. When your daughter has something to say, really listen. Don't just say, "nice job" or "good girl". That's better than nothing, but what would be best is a specific comment on what you heard. "I like the way you handled that situation by getting your teacher involved." "You did a great job matching your outfit. The blue looks really nice with your eyes."

I guarantee you will see better communications and therefore better connections with the people who matter in your life.