A Whole New Box to Think Outside

Business-speak often tells us to think outside the box, meaning to be creative and not stick to conventional wisdom. But there is a whole other box we are trapped inside that could be killing your self-esteem. It's the box of self-deception. We see things from our own perspective and not as they really are. Let me give you an example. You work hard at your job and hope to get promoted through the ranks to executive level. You're the first one at the office in the morning and the last one at night. You read lots of business books to help you manage your team, and you try really hard to be a fun, fair, and firm manager. Sometimes you miss your kid's soccer games because you put in hours on the weekend, and you are hoping that all this will pay off with a promotion and a raise. From your perspective, you are doing everything right, and yet you get passed up for the promotion by one of your colleagues who doesn't work half as hard as you do.

The problem here is that YOU are the problem, and you don't even know it. You are in a box inside your own head, and you can only see things from your perspective - the perspective described above. What if you could see yourself from other people's perspective? Your boss sees that you missed a deadline for an important project (even though in your head you're thinking you worked your butt off trying to make it happen, and you were only a day late). The people who report to you think you are too bossy and don't listen very well (even though you think you're a great listener - you even read a book on active listening). Your kid thinks work is more important to you than he is (although in your mind you justified missing the game by telling yourself you would go to the next one). In reality, you are inside the box and can't get out.

We are all guilty of being inside the box from time to time. We blame other people for our shortcomings or misfortunes, when we actually are simply not seeing things as they really are. Imagine if you could step outside the box and see things as a dispassionate observer, simply taking note of what you see. You would see things very differently, and maybe change your actions to be more in tune with the circumstances. You would look at yourself and others more objectively, and this would allow you to be more genuine and direct with people. You would be more in tune with what other people are thinking. Being outside the box gives you a wonderful opportunity to connect with people in a way that is authentic and truthful. In fact, we can always tell when someone is not being genuine - their words say one thing but their body language and tone say another. Business-speak only gets you so far when it's not authentically you speaking it.

Try spending a day as a dispassionate observer of your life. Try not to judge yourself too harshly when you cut someone off on your way to work because your commute is more important than the other guy's. Just notice how often we behave inside the box, taking only our own perspective into account when making decisions. You might find that the next day you are much more connected and tuned in to others. Your actions will follow your newfound connections, and you just might find a big boost in your self-esteem!