Helping Foster our Children's Self-Esteem

As parents, we have a lot of influence over our children's self-esteem. Especially mother to daughter and father to son. During their early years, children's self-esteem is based mostly on how they are treated by their parents. If they are loved, children feel important. It's pretty simple with young children. In fact, there are very few influencers on babies, who are mostly cared for by only one, two, or three adults at most. Things start to get a bit complicated as our sons and daughters head off to preschool or other activities outside the home. Now there are outside influences from other adults, as well as peer pressures from the other children. Also, the kids are getting bigger and smarter, and they are starting to realize what is important to the special adults in their lives. For example, if the parents put a lot of value on athletic ability, children will likely adopt some feelings of self-worth (either positive or negative) about their own skill and interest in athletics. As children grow, they become increasingly sensitive to being evaluated - both by their peers and by adults. With their peers, they may begin to evaluate themselves differently from the way they were taught at home, and with adults, they begin to sense the difference between idol praise and true appreciation. Our jobs as parents shift from being care givers to being developers of self-esteem. We can do this by staying true to our values and making sure our children understand our family values, so when they encounter pressures outside the home, they know what is expected and important within the family. We also need to treat our children with respect, in an age-appropriate manner. They are smarter than we think, and they will see right through us if we are not being honest and forthright. So don't just compliment your child at every opportunity. Instead, show some real interest in his or her activities. For example, if your child shows you an art project, don't just say it's nice or pretty; instead, ask her to explain it to you, why she picked those colors, what inspired her, and why she likes it. In this way, you are treating your child with respect and not just flattery.