Pay it Inward

Do you ever find yourself looking at other people and feeling envious? It is easy to get caught up in the cycle of comparing yourself to others and never measuring up. I wrote a few days ago about this new "syndrome" called OC3 - Obsessive and Compulsive Comparing and Competing. It's where you're on a super-highway and can't get off, always moving at 100 miles per hour looking for ways to put yourself down. She's thinner than I am. She's more fashionable than I am. She's more successful than I am. She has more money, a better relationship, cuter kids, and the list goes on and on forever. I found that one way to at least slow down and maybe hit a rest stop on the super-highway is to just notice when it's happening. It's actually very simple. You just say to yourself, "there I go again." Then you can tell yourself to stop and turn your focus to something else. Every time it happens, do the same thing. Try to get outside of your own head and become a third-party disengaged observer. Don't judge yourself harshly for feeling envious or for even looking at other people in the first place. Just observe what you are saying to yourself, and then stop the internal dialog. Now I have one more step to add to the process: Pay it Inward. Say something nice about yourself every time you find yourself comparing negatively against other people. So, for example, when you see someone who looks like she has her life together much better than you do, first notice that you are comparing and stop yourself. Then say to yourself something like, "I am doing a great job at getting my life in order." Just a quick affirmation, and then move on. I think everyone experiences this type of comparing and competing at least occasionally, but for some people it is really a problem and does a number on their self-esteem. If you know someone, especially a young girl, who is constantly looking outward to form opinions of herself and her worth, try teaching her this skill. Slowly over time, she will improve her self-esteem and slow down or even get off the super-highway.